love makes seman taste better
filled out health questionnaire for lower premiums a little bit too honestly. Literally got assigned a life coach.
Do you know how awkward it is to call the bar from last night and ask if they found my leggings?
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
I am in fact going to raffle myself off for a night. If you are interested in buying a ticket let me know. $10 a ticket.
Bro, you're like, my right testicle. Can't go anywhere without you.
In the ER with Chelz, I may have broken her ankle during sex. Lovely.
i will not be out-irished. not this night. if i don't wake up tomorrow handcuffed to a hospital bed, i have failed my ancestors.
Go makeout with Mickey Mouse so we can get FastPass tickets
I just interrupted this girl giving a dude head in a parked car on the south side. Going down on your guy while you're parked in front of your house because you don't want your parents catching you is fine by me, just don't block the fire hydrant.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
i read his ps3 instant messaging thing... he's meeting a guy to have sex. i think your boyfriend's gay
Still had our rainbow strip poker new years tradition. End of night we were only wearing mask.
Did you get the usual surprise pics from the strange straight you like to sprinkle in.
Randomize
