The night began with "let go home early so we can study for my 9am final" and ended with "show me your boobs for a free pack of gum".My breasts are worth 14 sticks for a dollar.
There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
you could never motorboat her...you'd have to motor-titanic her
i'm surprised you didn't wake up. like i literally came when he was fingering me as i was spooning with you and all you did was mumble "that's a good idea, mom" and pull the sheets away from me.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I woke up on your bathroom floor, i used your towel I found laying on the floor as a cape to get to your bed. I thought it would help me walk straight if I looked like a superhero
Props to the guy on crutches playing edward forty hands. Dedicated to drinking games is an understatement.
Hey will pizza rolls help if you accidentally get a diabetic chihuahua drunk?
We decided it was acceptable to walk out of class on a quest for Doritos. That high.
I don't know. I just thought I'd put my drinks in my bag and go on an adventure. Like a drunk Bilbo Baggins.
I have to date her we need a place to stay for tailgating
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
Vodka and cigarettes aside, my body is a temple.
let me just take this time to thank you again for buying pudding.
Randomize
