Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
I'm glad girls dont get visible erections
But, it would have made life so much easier...
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
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I think I just met the technical qualifications for binge drinking in five minutes
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I'm single as of 11 minutes ago. I was the chick who drunkenly tried to climb into bed with you 2 weeks ago. Wanna make this happen?
No. And Marissa said shitting in the handicap bathroom at work does not get you into the club. You have to shit yourself. She said.
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I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
I was laying out of the open window, talking with him on the phone, while we were both puking at the same time.. Guys at the party called it "true love"..
I'm at a sex party and there's a guy in an ICP jersey and trip pants. I see now that this is the moment in the movie of my life I recognize I have a problem
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
Just walked into the supermarket puking into a plastic bag while wearing my favorite Bob Ross shirt. I am a human disaster.
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