I think the sex offender registry is kind of a VIP list. You get to not live near noisy schools and parks and all your neighbors get to know you.
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
is it wrong that I want a "Where The Wild Things Are" tshirt that points to my junk?
and then he said that the only reasonable explanation as to why I got swine flu was because all I ever do is join the bandwagon
She just said she finds Tyler Perry funny... this is not going to work.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
I am making a budget for 2012. Should condoms be in the insurance or entertainment category?
I have cum and leaves all over me. Don't ask questions.
Holy fucking shit the worst thing for a hangover ever--A FUCKING BOLLYWOOD MOVIE BLARING IN CLASS
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
I need to thank someone for this kid's penis.
And then you poured the rest of the vodka into salsa and added the alcohol soaked pineapples and grapes and said "don't touch my salsa breakfast".
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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