can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
she added me on facebook and her celebrity doppelganger is rosie odonnel. FUCK
I feel so grown up. I just went to home depot to buy actual home improvement supplies instead of stuff to make a bong with.
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
I have to overdose on valtrex I had a rough weekend.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
my binge eating and her being stoned all the time has reduced us to a bowl of chinese candies, frozen bacon and a stick of butter, we do however have enough alcohol to start our own liquor store.
Yea. Some girl set a laundry machine on fire. She's not getting married.
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Omg he has a washer and dryer IN his apartment and lots of back up toilet paper. I went home with an adult. My uterus is pumping out eggs beyond my control.
You owe me beer. On another note, I made out with the ups guy at work today ....
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
