I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Signed everyone in my dorm up for free samples of astroglyde. Took me an hour. Happy new years!!!!!
Do you think most people who work at an airport Chili's can pin point where their lives went wrong?
why did your cousin post "out tonight" on facebook? doesn't he know it's only 1 in the afternoon?
shhh don't tell him. it's cloudy out and none of his clocks work
1. my parents still have sex. 2. being a screamer runs in the family. 3. so much so that i can tell what number of orgasms she's on. 4.so looks like i'm stuck outside a while
Apparently I promised a worker at La Siesta free English lessons to make up for vomming all over the little Mariachi band.
Doing lines of coke with a $100 dollar bill off a 6in x 9in photo of your childhood self really tells you where you where you've gotten in life.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
I've heard awesome things about their margaritas. I also may buy a mustache from party city. Would you do me with a mustache on??! Hahahaha. But, really.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
Going to be a long day. text me later. Sorry I puked in your sink.
This stupid maranara sauce stain sucks. It keeps distracting me and it looks like I'm staring at my tits.
Who doesnt want to be Yoda? I mean seriously, how sweet would that be? Live to 400, not give a shit about love and all that, know fucking mind tricks and smoke awesome swamp weed. I'm down.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Drunk is a universal language darling
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