your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
She basically needs a man who will never act up and take all of her shit
I'm even having trouble finding a guy who's taller than me with no unibrow.. someone needs to tell her its time to lower her standards
Literally lying on a futon being hand fed bacon
Fuck you.
I hope you realize that its not me making that decision, but rather the combination of my genitals and sexual orientation
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
We should totally stay in at new years, have sex and try to time orgasm to the countdown
I have 39 hot sauces from Chipotle
It's like earning obesity badges
just peed on my shirt somehow, im calling it a day
She made sure everyone knew we were doing shots for her dead grandma.
Was Mr. ROBOT good? I missed it. I just fucked dental hygienist on the trampoline in my backyard
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
