All I could understand from his text was "hatchet" "soccer" & "bitch". its safe to say andy has had enough to drink & will be violent soon
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
But you can still look for dick after you find Jesus.
You need a twittervention. You're better than this.
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
I really want some funfetti cake but I feel like its more socially acceptable to go out and drink
I asked him if we could switch positions so I could watch the Olympics... I'd say date number two is a miss
Walked in on my roommate covering his dick in blue frosting. Am staying with my folks for the Forth. See you Monday if the brain bleach works.
Started out playing table tennis then ended up fucking him on the table. Happy cinco de mayo
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
This guy knew what he was doing. Most guys can't find the spot even if it shot off a flare and played a kazoo.
I love that we can live in a world where I can Google "Harry Potter lizard" and an illustration for my dream pops up
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