if your dad confronts the dude you fucked about the background check he did on him, NOT GONNA GET A CALL BACK
My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
I don't even know what he looks like, all i've seen of him is his dick
the rest of him looks just as crooked
And then I chipped his tooth because I got too into it. Helloo, single life.
He took a shot, then proceeded to puke into the bucket he was iceing his broken foot in
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Would it be inappropriate to do a science fair project on whether the type of drunk a person is is determined by nature or nurture
dude you're not even a fucking science major
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
Get the fuck back here. Your brother taped bottle rockets to the front of his scooter and is bombing around screaming, "Rest in peace, Goose!"
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Like how hard is it to come up to me with chocolate and wine and say "hey, you're beautiful. Wanna marathon Doctor Who in sweatpants?" Hell yes!
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
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