Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
You showed the cops outside of the bar your boobs and then decided to go apologize to them. They admitted that the reason they hung out there was because of girls like you.
What I wanna know is who took a picture eiffel towering her?
so apparently the car got towed with me passed out in the back seat.
Have you seen Dave? He's not on top of the bar anymore but I found his shirt.
I woke up at 3am, my head in a toilet, still at the kegger, wearing a random cowboy hat.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
We watched the first ever season of SNL and fucked for so long. He accidentally punched me in the face, but I mean, John Belushi was the background noise of our sex. I can deal with it.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
having flashbacks of licking salt of your dick for my shot of tequila
I canceled a date last night to eat pop tarts and go to bed early
Your amazing boobs made me fall in love with boobs. I never cared about boobs you should be proud
Fuck. Totally just had sex instead of studying for econ test in an hour. Gonna get fucked again. HELP ME WITH YOUR EXTENSIVE KNOWLEDGE OF ECON
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