I was about to go down on her and her dong flopped out and hit me in the chin. This may have a Nam like post-traumatic-stress-disorder effect on me.
I have a fruit stripe tattoo on my penis. You're the only person I know who chews that gum.
Is it ironic that the girl with the horse face is also on the equestrian team?
Idea for the cake. Joints for candles. Do it.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Seriously, it's 5am. STOP CREEPIN and START SLEEPIN!
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
the night was just a blur of sex and pie
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
I've never been this drunk around this many toddlers
I may have just masturbated while on hold with the IRS. don't judge me
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
You showed up at my house at 4am with a bloody nose, one shoe and a bucket of chicken... I live no where near a place that sells chicken in a bucket..
Well that would explain the bones in my purse.
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