I haven't gotten laid in forever. I'm obsessed. I imagine I this is how Ethopians feel about food.
i also saw a trio of peacocks walking along a sidewalk in hollywood today. i really hope im not tripping.
we've been dating more than a month and i just realized there's no hair on his chest..
you've had sex with him. you must've seen him naked.
nah, i feel like naked sex would be getting too serious for us..
My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
Sobered up midsex and just went with it. After he tried cuddling and I awkwardly rolled out of the bed to find someone on the floor, apparently it was his room so he got to listen.
Like who turns down taking a nap inside of someone in 2014.
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
IN OTHER NEWS did you guys see Orlando Bloom's penis today? I did
He tried to grab your ass, but he grabbed my hand cause I grabbed your ass first. I saved your ass..literally. Your welcome.
Once you find out someone has a small dick, you never look at them the same again.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Randomize
