butt plug
anus plug
rubbish cock?
yes
you suck at this game today
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
I just put lube in Matt's bellybutton. He looks unhappy.
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
I should go buy the economy size box of condoms and sprinkle a path like rose petals to my bed... Think he'd get the hint?
I have a meeting at work in an hour, I'm so hungover going outside is NOT happening there are roads and shit I'll totally get myself killed.
I dont care how high you are "yes" is not the correct response to "what do you want from Taco Bell" Mom.
James this is colleen. This is my new number. You just texted my grandma about getting cockblocked. Congratulations.
I'm covered in European cum. How's your day going?
i woke up soaking wet with shard of glass imbedded in my flesh dangerously close to my dick what happend?!!
BEER BOTTLE SWORD FIGHTHING!!
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
Clothes make me feel like a responsible adult and that's just not something I'm ready to handle.
I know he works a lot but c'mon man. I 69'd you the first week we boned. Put a little effort in. Fuck.
So I think I've successful blown my foot off in a way that's going to make you call me an idiot.
I'm pretty sure I just won at life. I touched the bushy tail of a squirrel while he had his mouth full and was digging in a plant on campus. That is all.
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