I just let someone steal something bc they were so fucking weird and wouldn't leave me alone
If you die in college, do you die in real life?
Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
Michael Bay is the white Tyler Perry.
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
I was so intoxicated last night I was giving out my real name and number ugh.
Trying to convince myself that everyone keeps staring at me because I'm pretty and not because of my hickies.
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I just soaked a sugar cookie in nail polish remover to clean off my nails because I was too lazy to walk to the bathroom to get a cotton ball. Is this what rock bottom feels like?
I would date him. For 1 month. Just so I could say I was a trap queen for 1 month.
Who says no to sex and donuts?!
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