Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
I'm the saddest girl in a tutu right now.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
you did that thing you do when youre drunk where you rant about bruce springsteen, start hooking up with someone and then pass out midway through
But he has cupcakes AND I'm guaranteed an orgasm. .. I feel like I shouldn't even have to actually make a decision here.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
A girl just invited me over for a blowjob and beer. Is this a trap?
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I think I may be going on too many job interviews. I've started to bring up Shonda Rhimes in my interview answers.
i woke up on someones kitchen floor, and i used the gps in my phone to find my way home. im really glad you forgot about me.
I ran into the marine at the grocery store. Its like my vag and his penis have this way of finding each other when I least want it.
I have easymac and six pack of beer. This night can't get any better.
Randomize
