remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we usually just have an Easter beer hunt and never end up at church anyways
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
The power of the half flaccid cock, and to think, I thought I was just playing accordion in front of her Vagina!
Don't go to jail over some guy named Bunky
I just remembered that I insisted everyone watch porn together last night.
Randomize
