he proceeded to punch 3 mailboxes in a row and when i asked him why, he said "because they were talking shit"... i need a new boyfriend. and a new life.
He keeps asking where i got my clothes and accessories. i'm not sure if he wants to fuck me, or go shopping.
I just spiked the applesauce. Try to tell me again your party is better.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
Call me next time you want to get irresponsibly drunk when we have grown up things to do the next day.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
I was wondering why he was in my phone as "Cat Guy", he seemed pretty normal. Then when we woke up he was wearing a shirt with a picture of his cat on it. The name stays.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
Hopefully they won't bring up last year's Christmas party. I kind of predicted my great aunt's death...
he asked me why I let you steal the gnome, and you jumped out of the bathroom, yelled "you know why!" and ran outside with said gnome
Randomize
