he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
There's a walmart bag of my vomit outside my front door. I just really need someone to appreciate that with me.
My uncles bleeding, my brother has a black eye and my moms topless in the pool... How was your family cookout?
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
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My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
Would it be out of line to take a picture of all the earrings, rings, hairclips, and other miscellaneous girl items that I found under my bed and post it on facebook and tag all the girls that I slept with this year so they can claim their shit and get it out of my house?
Just found weed in an empty handle. Who knew Capitan Morgan was also a gardener?
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Think of all the island guys I could have. Ah well.
You can not bait me into a "how Stella got her groove back" call and response.
What exactly do I say to a random stoner hookup to thank him for ending my dry spell? Is it awkward to just say "Thanks for that. It was well needed."
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
I drank all the wines... and all th Doritos. Whilst watching Fat Camp. I need to reassess my values.
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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