before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
i love that he's uncircumcised. it makes handjobs so much easier. it's the lazy susan of penises.
When I ask you to make sure no ones coming while I'm changing.. The logical friend would keep watch. But you my, best friend come stand in front of me and flash everybody.
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
Nothing like the soothing screaming of your neighbor getting boned while eating a pizza on the front porch.
that almost beats the chick I saw smoking a joint while uni-cycling past my house at 4am. Almost.
He's like a sexy bearded lumberjack who likes wine.. I can't lose..
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
