The Worst (noun)- 1. Getting up at 6am after a night of drinking. 2. Wearing a Peter Rabbit costume.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
knew i was gonna lose at a shoe or be bleeding at some point. and both happened within 20 mins.
i'm behind the bar giving him a hand job. i need stuff to make my foot stop itching.
okay, this is where i needed to clarify that i was kidding before when i said that jizz helps mosquito bites. but let me know how that goes. for future reference.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
We picked up some guys dressed as shamrocks at taco bell. I will text you with further information.
I'm just trying my hardest not to get addicted to drugs or pregnant and all your other friends are out there getting married
Where are you on a scale from one to wasted?
Like alphabetically I'd say a v
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Something must have happened, they started yelling truffle butter and you said we needed to leave NOW
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Damn it. If you ever throw me again, take video.
The only thing I want for my birthday is a divorce from you.
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