I just saw a homeless man dressed as a pirate. I love san francisco.
I'm pretty sure she sent a group text out saying that I was the one to get with her last night and sorry to everyone who didnt make it.
Honestly it was an honor just to be nominated.
I realized that I earned the name Classy cassie as i was throwing up vodka slushie in my bed with a guy I know by the name extacy boy
I woke up hungover and reached for a glass of water only to realize too late that it was vodka sprite with my splooge in it.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
That last minute feeling of hesitation on whether I should bring my health card to the bar usually means I'm in for a good night.
Side note... I would pay good money to have witnessed the reaction of onlookers as I sprinted down Armtiage with a 15 lb bag of peanuts under my arm
I just want school to he over so we can build a big tent, do drugs inside it, and watch cartoons until the sun comes up.
That's all I've ever wanted.
I had a 10 minute conversation with the refrigerator, it was telling me how it likes to be opened and closed. Ecstasy, I love you.
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
By the way, do you realize that you asked me how much you could get for your eggs last night. And once you learned the price said that you had plenty to share.
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
I really don’t want to have kids.
I thought we agreed we were done with dirty talk for the day
Atleast we had sex on the couch before your ex took it from you
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