I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
Literally just as i started to cum the church bells next ot my house began to ring. either it was the most epic timing ever or god was watching and congratulating me
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
Just took 4 secret shots in his bathroom to not remember him naked.
I'm watching people hook up tonight who, when they wake up tomorrow, are going to wish they were blind.
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
So. She dumped me today.
Well, maybe you shouldn't have referred to going down on her as "Dumpster-Diving".
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Actually I more feel like I'm on a ship about to grab the holy grail off an island
The ship is me being high the holy grail is some profound idea I'm about to have
Can we discuss your tits for a sec? That melon patch sprung up over night
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
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