So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
The worst thing about having a parent with a prius is that they can walk in on you without any warning
Whats the opposite of morning wood? Whatever its called, everyone saw it when it fell out.
You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
Hold my feet while i lean out of the window of the truck.
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Where the condoms are as broken as my dreams
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
I shouldn't have to tell you to stop throwing knives at me.
where are you guys?
stoned at his house watching water boil
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