Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
Found her in the closet eating mayo out of the jar with a knife
In the middle of getting a blow job, she looked up at me and said "this isn't the first time I've done this today"
He tried to eat me out in the bath... I said it was a bad idea, but he said it was good snorkelling practice for vaca.
#1 benefit of having an equality sticker on my car: some girl flashed me while i was driving home
The bouncer yelled at him for poking at the guy selling roses, I think it's time to leave.
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
I am playing a little game I like to call "How Quickly Can I Infuse This Vodka Into My Bloodstream Without the Use of an IV"
Hello. You don't know me, but word on the street is that we are now eskimo sisters. I feel like we should go out for coffee and compare experiences.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
That bitch claimed that you said it was ok if she drank your vodka. Obviously she has never met you
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