I fell asleep on the toilet again last night...
She def said "you had your chance!" after telling me she had a boyfriend. Like a pile of dogshit lecturing me on how I missed out on having itself stuck to the bottom of my shoe.
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
consequently i now know what mace tastes like
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
hey the jello shots wont freeze
How much Everclear did you put in them?
uhhh all of it
So apparently when I'm drunk and want water I pant like a dog and expect to have water given to me..
My neck is PURPLE. This is NOT a good day to be indoctrinated by the cardinal...
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
I feel fine lol. I tried climbing a tree but the branch broke and I got arrested.
He asked me to describe my life outside work. I responded with "Home-wrecker.
Randomize
