Why can't I find a man that likes bush instead of a vagina that looks like it belongs to a prepubescent child!
Because men are children
Touche
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
I woke up this morning and saw that I had transferred $0.75 from my savings account to my checking account.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
I wish my head, heart, dick, and nose could just agree on something for once
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
So I have been told that I licked your eyebrows last night
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
Where's the chopping off someone's balls emoji
Kids music just accidentally came on at this party. I didn't know how many stoners were here until they all sang along.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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