When my kids ask how I lost my virginity Im going to have to tell them of a mythical thing called "Myspace" and how strangers could lure you into their "den of love" thanks to clever quotes and graphics
JOY: That feeling when you crack open a handle for the first time, and the flow limiter comes off with the cap.
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I've taken a shot every five minutes for the past twenty. His valentines cupcakes are going to be a fucking delicious vodka induced mess. Thinking about putting vodka in this next batch. I'm the best girlfriend.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
I wore heels to a golf store in hopes of getting laid. I've hit a new all time low.
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
dude i haven't had a solid dump since sunday and i still cant hear out of my right ear
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
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