I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
This is a mass text. Does anyone know where I am?
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
I'm pretty sure I just discovered what the American Dream is said the person eating a hotdog for breakfast in bed in her underwear
Right now he's sitting in the chair pointing to me to go away. He's trying to have quiet time with his penis.
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
Ummm, my mojito just spilled on 2 essays as I'm grading. Who says high schoolers have all the fun?
Miscalculate d the jungle juice, it's actually 10%. Can't taste the diff anyway but my stomcha is warm. Come play pongm.
Shout out to this stomach virus for helping me prepare for whatever slutty Halloween costume I decide to wear.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
He is such a generous lover, I can look past the fact his name is fucking Bob.
are you still alive?
no.
i'll cry at your funeral. and leave a burrito by your tombstone
Never. No amount of alcohol could convince my brain and eye sight that it is okay to fuck him. I'd rather fuck my cousin.
Randomize
