What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Who pooed in my magic bullet?
Sorry the bathroom was being used.
During the middle of giving him head, he flashes his phone and says "I like to watch."
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
He just kept petting my ear and informing me that I wasn't one of the guys
Scored tix to flower show. Do we want to go drunk on Saturday or hungover on Sunday? Only two options.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
I, soberly, gave myself a concussion trying to take a pic of my vagina. Fuck you and your hangover.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
You're best friend just tackled me....naked....brought me to his room where he had freshly baked cinnamon rolls. I didn't know he could cook
And now I'm taking a break sitting on the bathroom floor thanking god that people who eat at subway are either too classy to piss on the floor, or are still relatively sober enough to not piss on the floor before 5pm.
At this point in job hunting, I'm willing to become a leather daddy if it means some sort of income.
I call bullshit
Call it what ever you want I just need to figure out how to get permanent marker off my cock
You wouldn't eat with utensils. You insisted on making your own spoon out of a bendy straw and staples while singing "I'm a survivor" by Destiny's Child.
Randomize
