Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(519): View more from Ontario

It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night.

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(519): It's pouring out. I am cold, wet, and miserable.... Kind of reminds me of our sleepover last night. http://tfl.nu/y7pe

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(775): View more from Nevada

i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure

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(775): i wish mother nature was an actual person cause i'd bitch slap her for sure http://tfl.nu/ggme

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(310): View more from California

and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.

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(310): and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night. http://tfl.nu/rugs

Replies (33) Good night (459) Bad night (2877)
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(205): View more from Alabama

Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.

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(205): Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage. http://tfl.nu/pzck

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(302): View more from Delaware

He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"

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(302): He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!" http://tfl.nu/6j56

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(719): View more from Colorado

never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned.

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(719): never let anyone you met on skype borrow your car. lesson learned. http://tfl.nu/n10p

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck.

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(978): my cat ate my toast this morning while i was getting dressed. i can already tell today is going to suck. http://tfl.nu/9a64

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(201): View more from New Jersey

I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.

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(201): I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot. http://tfl.nu/7j37

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(218): View more from Minnesota

Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder

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(218): Making the executive decision for drunk you to not sleep in the lofted bed that has no ladder http://tfl.nu/zi03

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(720): View more from Colorado

These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.

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(720): These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo. http://tfl.nu/f63z

Replies (5) Good night (2880) Bad night (1280)
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(217): View more from Illinois

i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here

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(217): i'm about to rub a glazed donut on my face just so it feels like you're here http://tfl.nu/dmaq

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(816): View more from Missouri

no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help.

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(816): no you went to jail because you don't know how to whisper when offering a cop a blow job. I'm sure him having a chick partner didn't help. http://tfl.nu/7acp

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(905): View more from Ontario

ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all.

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(905): ATTN: We are officially 15 weeks from our annual "Get-Mega-Stoned-and-BBQ" event. Start saving up the proper supplies. That is all. http://tfl.nu/qym2

Replies (4) Good night (1453) Bad night (418)
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(612): View more from Minnesota

Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report.

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(612): Most adult booty call ever. Ha. We got down to business and still got to watch the colbert report. http://tfl.nu/1t2g

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(541): View more from Oregon

Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal.

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(541): Want to run by the liquor store later? Tequila Youn should really be in attendance at Party Mountain. No one else could be our spirit animal. http://tfl.nu/2v18

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