even through the webcam i could tell he was aiming for my face/hair
I don't want to hear about you making out with a high schooler. I just had the best sex of my life. My face and arms went numb in the middle of it.
You're in the clear; you and Andrew did not joint fingerbang that girl on the dance floor last night.
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I couldn't really understand you because you were really quiet and I said "I don't know what you're saying, it's kind of a big mumble" and you said "that sums up my life"
Oh shit that's not good dude. I'd head straight for Williamsport hospital the first ingredient in that shit is lithium batteries. You don't want to know what the second one is
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I used to sleep with a guy on the USA rugby team... He stole my credit card and my Hitman DVD. I'm more upset about the Hitman DVD..
I'm done, I have no more memes or ways to ask for nudes, so yeah
What the fuck were you guys talking about?
Lube wrestling.
Oh, makes sense.
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Just saw 4 of my students at Denny's at 4am on a Tuesday. We all pretended not to see each other, as we are all clearly tipsy and/or stoned. Class is in less than 4 hours. Either i'm getting too old for this shit or they're starting on the road to crazy-town much earlier these days.
I was singing Colors of the Wind and swigging vodka and still felt like more of an adult.
Randomize
