Apparently getting drunk, buying a guitar from your local costco and walking in to an open mic night is not the same as rocking out to guitar hero...
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Update: still drunk enough to get lost in Zellers and to think my reflection was my mother. Awesome day.
First if all, whoever designed penis shaped ice cubes is clearly daring me to shove them up my vagina
Locals Wish Tourists Would Stop Doing These 27 Things
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I feel like I just lived out a children's book called "The Day I Went to Law School Stoned"
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
Here's the level of my committment: I'm not participating in the Olympic opening ceremonies drinking game. THIS IS SERIOUS.
In his defense he just bought a bong like a week ago so he's still in that honeymoon phase.
25 True Facts That Sound Fake AF
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Not much, just taking another sorting hat quiz while waiting for this porno to finish buffering
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.