Is it really that bad? I heard it was like pooping. I like pooping.
I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
our cab driver is having phone sex.
It was like little house on the drunk prairie.
my mind is a poorly written porno when i'm drunk.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I mostly blame me being such a miserable fuck on the fact that I was born on a Monday.
He's stripped out of his boxers and is dancing and slapping his dick with string cheese...I don't know whether to call for help or take a video.
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
