All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
dude, you're never picky with who you hook up with, have a little dignity
nah man, chicks are like pokemon, gotta catch \'em all
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
Im at a strip club, and the dancer just farted into my face. The bad part about that is I could taste the wings I bought her earlier
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I wanna fuck padma even more now that she's preggers. Is that sick?
Yes but- 100% agreed
I will return your cat, I saw a mouse in my apt last night and your door was unlocked, it seemed really practical
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
Cool, so I just walked in on my grandfather checking his prostate in the kitchen.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
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I just did a sobriety test in a tutu.
its coolsest when we hear the beat in our water bottles. and the likghts are in his eyes now. oh holland
I got mine. It's a truly beautiful penis. Plus he pulled his tongue muscle on my vagina.
"Bring the kids" is the most terrifying 3 words I've ever heard in my life.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He showed up to a booty call with 2 tea bags, but no condom...