You can call me Bill Clinton. I brought 2 good looking Asians home last night.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
There are two people having sex in one of the showers right now trying to silence their orgasm sounds and failing. Thank you coed bathrooms.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
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we decided to do a scavenge hunt for ourself for when we walked back to our apartments. We hid taco bell behind some bushes. I think they are still good.
I always have trouble explaining my life decisions to people over the age of 30.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
At least I'm doing lines with a notecard. That counts for something right
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
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My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
God dammit. My lube leaked all over my passport
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
So the dog chewed my vibrator last night. It added a nice new texture actually.
Yeah. I'm so over work, that I'm not even satisfied pretending to work anymore. I just flat out want to go home. Fuck this job
I was so close to going to get my nipples pierced with my mom today