In the airport and just saw a little boy put his head in his mother's crotch... I guess he took a whiff because he backed up and said loudly, "mommy your pee-pee is stinky!"
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
she was giving me head and that cheryl crow 'youre favorite mistake' song came on. she looks up and all i could do was nod
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
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There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
At the end of the night you handed the bartender a piece of paper with the word "VISA" written on it.
We have been pregaming the shutdown of the government since Tuesday. Send help, and some more liquor.
She kept saying the tortilla understood her. I honestly don't know where she found a tortilla at the pool.
I'll never be able to have sex on these sheets. I'd have to cover up the eyes of every single Elmo.
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you taught an eight year old how to shotgun a half pint of chocolate milk, that's all i'm saying
I don't miss having sex with him. We had our finale fuck last week. He's all yours now.
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
It's only ok to pee out the window in the afternoon when you're drunk.