well there was some sort of sex marathon going on in my house last night..jess and i vs my parents...and im ashamed to say that we lost and my parents out-sexed us
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
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that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Notice: I will be intoxicated and in your area this evening. To unsubscribe from my sexual solicitation list, reply 'fuck off'.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Dude, he's legal now. You could not pry me from his dick with the jaws of life.
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
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I may have tried to encourage people to play a new game I invented last night. I called it Super Quarters. Like regular quarters, only using an AA medallion.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
We need a shit load of segways right now
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.