Also, the republican called me again last night. He called me dumb and ugly then begged to come over. Gosh... he knows how to make me want him...
The liquor store is having an inventory reduction sale. It would be a sin not to stop and help them out.
And we all know God doesn't like sinners.
Amen.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
Somehow I gave him blood blisters on his dick...I don't know if I'm that good or that bad.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
im not going to any frat parties next semester. for once i want them to think its actually hard to get in my vagina
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
Oh my god. A memory of last night just came to me. One of our neighbors joked about Thomas having a big dick and I just kept shaking my head profusely.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
After we got done he told me to hold his penis because it helps him fall asleep
You're just a heartbreaker with a knitting problem
Did you see her happy birthday to emily on facebook? The gist of it is like: hey emily you almost died at birth im glad you didn't. love mom.
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