Facebook really needs to add a bikini picture profile tab for girls, it would really save me countless amounts of time!
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
I bought a bottle of 100 proof for the storm. I am going to drink until I pass out. I'm taking bets. 1:30 pm is the over/under.
why is there cat hair all over my deoderant?
she wanted to smell more freshershest than you.
It's my fault there's ramen coiled around his penis.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
you should be awarded for your promiscuity.
i really should.
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
I feel very compelled to cut off the person's ears that is sitting in front of me
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
That moment when you sit down to shit and someone is watching porn on the other side of the wall.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
Got home. Somebody tried to sell me weed on the street. I've never had to try so little to find a dealer before.
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