As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
last night some bitch put bruce along with his entire fishbowl in her purse and tried to leave. how drunk do you have to be to steal someone's pet??
just smash crush and snort whatever we can get our paws on
I knew I fell for you for a reason
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
He legit asked if he could come over for a hug. I feel like I've been booty called by a 12 year old.
This is probably the only time in my life I'm going to be able to say I'm going to the hospital too smoke weed and play Mario kart.
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
I know you're aving fun across the room but I can clearly see you getting a handy. It's not as "low key" as she promised. Also, why are you texting while she's doing it?!
What the World Series means to me is that I've slept with too many giants fans.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
I can't wait to shower all this regret off of me
I can't believe just smoked out of a pear
I can't believe you had a pear already made to smoke out of, that was impressive
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