Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
It's always awkward in the office the day after your boss sends you a dick pic.
Dude, did you fall in a toilet on the way over here?
Was face down in one actually. Bars 2, Drew 0.
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
I'm looking for whatever I can find, and afford without having to eat my emotional support cat
What do you bring to an "I'm getting divorced party?"
.......Shattered dreams and tequila?
Wandering around the streets of Baltimore at two in the afternoon. Just offered a job as a stripper. Think I should accept?
Try an internship first, see if you enjoy it.
I woke up next to a Big Mac box.. And had no sheets or clothes on. The night was a success I think.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
