listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
you really are a gigantic fucking slut.
sidenote: just remembered sarcasm does not translate through text
it's probably a bad thing that i wasn't even offended, huh?
So can I buy you a drink sometime?
Sure, but make it a double, I'm drinking for two these days.
Everytime I walk into a bathroom at school that I've taken a pregnancy test in I get a little bit nostalgic....
Wella between the drunkards, the inevitable slutty costumes, and someone doing a BODY SHOT OFF A PREGNANT GIRL, i lost my halloween spirit. Bah humbug.
All I remember is you introducing yourself to the entire basketball team using the line "I'll show you a slam dunk."
She offered to massage my back by hitting it with a sparkly purple double dildo... Bi chicks can get creepy
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
you are like the bill nye of illicit activities
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
So who left their underwear on a lamppost in my aunt's backyard
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
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