Theres puke in my trash can and spilled beer next to my bed... come get your girlfriend
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
"I vaguely remember the Health and Safety Inspector walking into my room this morning while I was passed out naked. That's one way to get it over with quickly."
Good thing my vagina doesn't have a chronometer on it. I'm sure my fiance would be horrified. Probably 10 miles from this past weekend alone.
Today is a shit your pants at work kinda day
Would you think less of me if I said I was eating a toaster strudel in the bath.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
You were drinking tequila through a straw.. and kept waving your arms at me and getting this intense stare down as you muttered something about jedi mind tricks.
Randomize
