but i am gonna have to have sex w/ him again to get my earrings back
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Just beat 2 Norwegian women in beer pong. Never been so proud to be an American.
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The investigator asked if we were sharing a pitcher of margaritas. I corrected him and explained that we each had our own.
Dear Beer Goggles, it's time to see the eye doctor. With love, your biggest fan.
he spent an hour trying to convince us that Ted Nugent is Kid Rock from the future. by the end of it i was very close to believing him.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
When you get shitfaced you find strippers when I get shitfaced I speak to woodland creatures, do you see the dilema?
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
Basically we had a threesome in one room and a fivesome in the next room. Its what I like to call a win win situation.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
when i was on the highway she passed out and knocked my transmission into nuetral with her forehead...that was an experience
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize