is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
why does being broke make me substitute dinner for vodka, Xanax, and two day old cupcakes? I don't like being fat, jittery and drunk.
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
you took my bottle from me saying i was unprepared for its magical qualities. then you buckled it in the backseat.
Just had lapdance from stripper that had her 5th kid 28 hours earlier. A for work ethic.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
He was sucking my nipples then stopped, looked me dead in the eyes and said "im gonna cum for my babygirl"
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I want to go to a gay rodeo for my cross country road trip. It'll be like my very own homo country boy pilgrimage to the holy land.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
She showed up at 4:30 in the morning HAMMERED, stripped, demanded sex, then after 4 failed attempts stopped me mid-thrust to tell me she thought we should be fucking for a cause, like animal rights. Process that for a second. She wanted us to be fucking for animal rights.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
