Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
She just said she wanted to get freaky and left the room. I'm almost certain I just heard the microwave.
Please call me back as soon as your phone is charged, if you die tonight I don't want the last thing I said to you to be "I just farted a little"
Just had a threesome with a hot Turkish guy and an even hotter French lawyer. This what happens when I travel alone. You have only yourself to blame for this.
I just made a drug deal 100% through snap chat
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Had to drive my booty call home because he had an asthma attack after we had sex .. How was your night?
I had a glass of wine for breakfast. It's gonna be a rough week.
congrats on being the token straight people in our group.
Hmmm, well all I'm saying is don't do anything too irrational because you miss him and are blinded by his large penis.
Bad news man, we're gonna have to reschedule Golden Coral: The Musical
I don't know who the fuck this is, but right on man
She was drunk running in the middle of the street when a cop saw her,picked her up and dropped her off at her house. This really doesn't surprise me.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize
