Hey, go out with us like you promised. You're younger than us and should be able to handle your coke problem with grace.
So explain to me again how you wake up next to a Brazilian model and I wake up next to a turkey sub? And a jar of grey poupon.
dude, when you're random girl from last night came down the stairs this morning she fell all the way down. I laughed. She just walked out. I hope shes ok. Tell her I give her a 10 for that landing though.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
I'm pretty sure I just crapped out my pancreas. I have 2 of those, right?
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
She's eating hot cheetos out of the bag with chopsticks, Matt, how is she NOT my soulmate?
"Being an adult" and "being happy" are two circles that do not overlap in my Venn diagram of life.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
You know it was a good dinner party when one of the guests broke their finger and no one can remember how it happened.
No I come to this class stoned every week. Except last week when I was drinking in class
Randomize
