thanks...oh and i got my period
told you
oh hush
As a matter of fact my bong is named Hulkamania brother
I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I hate the awkward morning-after-I-took-your-virginity conversations.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i forgot to tell you that olivia sent me a text yesterday that the mormon girl got caught with weed in her vagina at school
you left your shoes but remembered to take your vodka. i see where your priorities are.
I just got a whiff of tequila through the air conditioner.
Where is my rescue team. I keep hiding shit. And I'm trying to give out shots of olive oil
Nicee. Atleast your phone doesn't change pen in to PENISsSSSSSSS like mine does
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I feel miserable and there's nutella all over my phone
you two really need to work out your issues. my vagina can't handle another week of your pent up frustrations.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
It made me want to take you home, put you in footie pajamas and feed you spaghettios
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Randomize