I thought at least he would want to exchange numbers after he tried to put it in my bum
I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
no.. I went home. Puking up hot dogs and lemon tart isn't as lovely as it sounds.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
I actually have to watch Breaking Bad to make me feel better about my choices last night.
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
It was like being run over by an orgasm freight train.
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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