your drunk exhusband is tryin to get with my drunk exgirlfriend. i think its funny. if you still talk to him dont say anything.
we're not divorced.
Today I realized that I've had whole drunk relationships with people. And sober me has and wants no part in it.
I'm scared
There's nothing to be scared of. My penis is average size.
That's what I'm afraid of
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
saw you walking with that piece of shit
and that piece of shit just read that
Even My mom was ashamed of me bringing her home, she pulled me aside, and told me i can do better than, "butter faces"
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
Just saw a midget on an elliptical. Epic.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Go have fun. I'm gonna go shower off the regret.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
True fear is being unable to remember where you hid your weed and vibrator in your parent's house.
There I was, puking into the toilet, and he was rubbing my feet, buck naked. I feel like a drunk Disney princess.
YOU ATE THE FUCKING GOLDFISH!?
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