apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
three words: i give head
three words: not that well
new revelation: five guys for breakfast
new revelation: previous revelation not a good revelation
u were so high that u chewed on candle wax for an hour
So some guy at the party is convinced I'm Edward Cullen. He keeps calling me "Twilight" and following me around with a stake. I'm concerned.
I feel that my census will not be the first census submitted soaked in beer
This girl brought half a watermelon to class. I want to be on her level.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
I just found a wine bottle in my shower. Must have been a good night.
Want to go home, so casually slip my underwear in his pocket. Never seen him grin so big and say goodbye to his friends.
Either she's trying to smother me and failing, or she just has a really bad sense of where her tits should go.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
You know that we wouldn’t even be talking about all this if you would have kept your candy consumption judgement comments to yourself.
Randomize
