i wonder if i could find a boyfriend who would call me big papa
sure if you go to prison
He had a stripper pole in his bedroom. I didn't know whether to be impressed or creeped out.
She left scratches down my back from her wedding ring. Her husband seems like a nice guy though, judging by the scratches it had to be at least a carat.
Beer bonged 7 shots of Jameson. I title this night short stories with tragic endings.
Everyone knows relationships are a winter sport
I have a scary feeling my mom might switch her goals from finding me a husband in 2012 to sending me to rehab
im eating mac and cheese with a makeup brush. there is wayyyyy too much wrong with this night.
He came so hard he burst a blood vessel in his eye. Do I have to take him to the ER? because I'm too tired for this shit.
I think that means you're growing up...when your coke nail becomes your opening mail nail.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He serenaded me say anything-style with Weird Al songs and then blew me on the beach. I'd say he's a keeper.
I woke up with my my shoes on and pants half way off and missing 60 dollars. Please please please tell me you saw me last night.
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
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