At least you're going to bed with all the teeth you woke up with
didn't have any spoons so I beer bonged my chicken noodle soup. I fucking love camping.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I'd suck anything for a pizza right now
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
I left two shots of jager for you guys when you wake up from your death. Do with it as you wish
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
I'm sorry, but the "Hobbit Slam" has to be a sex move.
I need to stop getting in the car with my dad when im rolling balls. I think he's starting to notice my eyes aren't usually completely pupil
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Well just give me the address, I'll bring the bourbon. If they let that into mental institutions
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
Sometimes, it’s important to take a moment and kinkshame yourself.
On a scale of one to ten how bad is it that the first cardio I've done in months is jogging to the bars?
I'll just go with dedication.
Randomize
