I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
Did you sleep with Connor? And who undressed me? There's a picture of two guys peeing out my bedroom window. What happened?
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
URGENT INPUT I'm at a renesance fair after party and I'm 100% lined up to fuck their sword swallower OR their contortionist. Dont say both - which direction doth I roll?
you're the third guy in less than 24 hours she fucked. I'm glad you lost your virginity just don't act like you climbed Mt. Everest.
That guy was drunk and couldn't get it up so he just tried to scissor me.
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
Can I trade you chipotle for a pregnancy test?
Update. A gay dude just told me I'm the most beautiful thing with a vagina he as ever seen. How should I feel about this?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Look, I am sorry I shaved your cat...but get over it.
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