Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
i just got fired from my job because i was "too smart" and my immedate response was i am WAY too stoned to be considered smart, and theni walked out the door.
wow. i have no words.
There is no way I'm taking advice from somone who's idea of a balanced diet consists of vodka and lemon detox juice
All I remember is him trying to go down on me, but I guess I was too busy making out with his brother
Opened my purse to realize I have someone else's birth certificate. What happens to me in college?
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Oh? I just remember dropping coins and trying to give the manager change to let me back into the bar.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
come pick your gf up from my house. she's sitting in the fridge and hissing at the cat to let her eat the potatoes. btw i dont have a cat
6 hours ago I jacked off a a guy for $100. I explained it away as "compensation" for gas and tolls. WHAT am I doing with my life? Quickest and easiest $100 I ever made though, haha
...blackout vacation is awesome. Where did you end up? I think i'm in Miami.
Hospital.
I'm at the drive thru window, five minutes out. If the bathtub is empty or you're dressed when I arrive I'm not sharing.
So do you guys remember Danny from Tinder?
Sorry I only remember personality traits, not names.
Randomize
