Google if cops ever smoke weeds and then bust them. I need to know immidiately.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
If it makes you feel better he went down on me when i had a yeast infection.
Just figured out I can wedge my iphone between my boobs so it stands up at a perfect handsfree reading angle. Clearly somebody up there wants me to smoke this bowl while I watch my bieber videos
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
There are two types of people in this world I don't trust: people who collect stamps, and people who don't drink
So after he broke the crutches and got us kicked out of McDonalds, we stole a bike and when we got back to the hotel, he jumped out the window into the bushes.
Yeah when he is drunk, he seems to think he is Captain Americas Canadian counterpart, Captain Canuck
There was confetti in my vomit this morning... Happy New Year!!
Is it bad that I feel proud to be the first one to puke in the apartment? And I did it in style?
You straight up painted the counter with steak, tequila and beer. You owe me a knew toothbrush.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
I'm mainly pissed because I shaved fucking EVERYTHING for this. WITH SHAVING CREAM. Men do not appreciate how rarely that happens.
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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