So I'm sober and underage, being hit on by a groom-to-be with braces...is it a bad thing that I'm enjoying it?
All my problems are solved. I just got McDonalds and scratch off lottery tickets.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Drunk on Tuesday. Double fisting. Mmmbop is playing. Only girl in the group. Life is complete.
you know, this Evan Williams whiskey isn't so bad when it's watered down a bit and you're home by yourself on a Saturday listening to Snoop Dog alone in your apartment without pants or any plans for your future...
I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
Going to a professional golf course at 2am to throw the flag poles like javelins
If you want me to retract my crazy cat lady comments pictures of yourself dressed as a cat are not the way to do it.
i dont know whats weirder. that i told him he stabbed me in my dream or that he told me i wasnt the first girl to tell him theyve been killed by him in a dream
When Pony by ginuwine plays I pretty much just grind on the nearest penis.
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
reminiscing on last night: why the fuck did I feel the need to stand on chairs everytime we took a jello shot?
I just thought you should know that you should be proud of your dick. It's pretty much perfect. Just, ya know, by the way.
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