I was taking a piss and started puking. I pissed myself and made a mess in the bathroom. Passed out, then got up and went back out from 11pm to 5am.
I changed 4 diapers and slept horribly in our hot apt. Now, I'm at my inlaws house watching the Rangers get pummeled. Oh how our lives differ.
I just came to the conclusion that the most depressing part of my day is when I have to put clothes on.
there's something so ridiculous to me about watching someone with glasses exercising. it's like watching a whore studying in the library. stop trying to be someone you're not.
I just found scrambled eggs in my shower. Thanks for that, asshole.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
Alls I remember is making out with that chick.
Nope that was a dude
we're all going for beer and wings at 7. inflate your girlfriend and bring her along too.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
Idk my boobs are big but i dont think theyre hide a flask in them big..
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
That moment when you're in a room with 3 guys and know how big their dicks are. Then you are married to the one with the smallest dick.
Is it normal, that tacos make me horny?
I spanked her so hard I woke up Grandma
Also fuck yeah conspiracy
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
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