just saw Chris Hanson on the street. looked immediately around for video cameras. why is that my immediate reaction?
Pretending to be straight requires way more energy than I'm willing to use in this heat.
He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Yo. I have a shitload of cardboard. We have to build a smoke hut in the smoke room with a tunnel connected to a cat house. This way the kitty can join us whenever she pleases
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
One step ahead. Always. Roses are red, violets are blue... I'm gonna fuck you with a rake.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
So update from last night: I made friends with a coke dealer, I tore the card scanner off the wall of my dorm, and I passed out on our bathroom counter with my head in the sink.
Just fell off my bed trying to pose and take a nude for you. Probably broke my wrist
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
True strength comes from lack of pants
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Um. I just realized I still have a beer in my purse from last night. I'm at work. I am so classy.
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