Gettin pulled over, can you watch my dog and pay the bils for a while?
Nice meating you last night
Not a typo
I feel like I would bang a guy with a dick piercing just to say I have...like climbing a huge mountain or somethig
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
Fell down a spiral staircase. Et tu vodka. Et tu.
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I need to get skinnier so that I know when pregnancy scares are real...
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
Its not the fact that i woke up wearing a tutu that bugs me its the fact that i have 75 photos of me wearing a tutu on facebook
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
he was having a black light party and drinking manischewitz wine out of a three foot tall trophy he stole from mcdonald's...that's when I decided it was time to leave
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
Def went to work still drunk... the only comment i got was good to see you drinking more water...
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Randomize
