Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
Remember the time we were horrifically hung over, went to mcdonalds, an you merely felt the weight of the mcnuggets box and knew there was an extra?
like it was yesterday
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
just tried googling 24 hr taco bell and when i typed "24 hour" it autocompleted with fitness. buzzzz killllll
Im trying to find an appropriate gift to your mom for getting both you and your sister on birth control within a week, any suggestions?
I don't really see how asking you not to cum on my face or hair makes me high maintenance
She said she was jealous that i could wear headbands, then growled at the ground in shame..
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
I wanted to be mature but the vodka was resilient.
Because I chose to live vicariously through your uterus and you're letting me down right now.
Dad smells like hangovers and 65 years of bitterness
I need weed and if he's hot, maybe he can supply me with sex too.
how do you say “i know we haven’t hung out in a month, but i gave myself an amazing orgasm to your picture the other day” without coming on too strong
Randomize
