READY
for what?
TO HAVE SEXXXX
i think you have the wrong number
why does he think he needs to feed/take me out to get some ass? we are at a bar wasting my fucking time
Well the bottom line is that I had to completely coat my testicles in Neosporin.
...she's taking her top off and singing songs from Anastasia. I swear to God were solumates.
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Also I may have a condom stuck inside me, but I won`t know til I check the couch coushions.
Going to the hospital for stitches on my balls. Mom walked in on me manscaping with an electric razor. Tell NOBODY.
Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...
Please tell me you werent the one who replaced every beer bottle in my fridge with a picture of a baby kitten.
... and if i was..
Fuck. You.
Please tell me you aren't concussed from dancing on the stripper pole
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I'm done being subtle here. MOVE INTO MY EXTRA BEDROOM SO WE CAN FUCK WHENEVER AND NOT HAVE TO WORRY ABOUT FINDING PEOPLE TO HAVE CASUAL SEX WITH.
you live like 200 miles from me and I have two years of school left
goddamnit stop pointing out all the flaws in my plan
Company sent me first class out of state, got so drunk on the plane I started handing out pillows and blankets to the people in coach
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
To shove my foot up anybody ass who tries to start shit. I'm not takin shit this year. That and I wanna volunteer somewhere to help make a difference
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
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