tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
what is it about summer that misdirects my moral compass so much?
dude she wont stop talking about little people big world...she said my penis looked like zach roloff and took a picture with her phone?
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
This Casey James character from American Idol is really gonna mess up my sex life.
Or maybe the fact that you know who Casey James is will be what messes up your sex life.
Did she have bad breath? Bad breath makes you think of all the bad things in the world
Just heard this lady walk by on her phone saying "did everyone orgasm?"
You missed lesbians having sex in the bathroom and the whole bar clapping for them. I had to do recon. It was amazing
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I have a video on my phone of someone streaking in my house last night, do you have any idea who it is?
I felt like a slutty ass cruella devil driving your old car, And I got in a fight with your wipers
It doesn't matter if it's only been 3 days since you last changed your sheets. If your fuck buddy comments on how your bed smells like sex, it's time to change them again.
Randomize
