I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
They threw me out of the bar because I was arguing business ethics with the owner of th bar
using the left over highlighters from the blacklight party to study for finals. feeling the need to write insert penis here on my econ notes.
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
I don't know at which point last night turned terribly, terribly wrong, but it was somewhere around Motel 6, specifically the parking lot.
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
do you think me going to the gyno dressed as a cat is inappropriate?
Apparently duct taping your dick to your buttcheks before the first time she goes down on you isn't as funny as projected. She cried because she thought I was a girl the whole time.
I blacked out and when I woke up and looked at the counter.. there was a full cake upside down. I dont even understand ...
I love when Facebook suggests people I may know. Well, yeah, I know him. He's my drug dealer. Pretty sure I want to keep that relationship strictly professional.
Just flash them and yell "JUDGE THESE BITCHES"
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Randomize
