That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
if she mentions anything about chili and my phone, just go with it
he wanted to have me eat skittles off of his body. he mad gay sex even gayer.
Took an aderol, wrote a differential equation for solving volume of flow of a rectangular channel with change in depth, then masturbated for the 6th time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Somehow I feel more guilty using her razor then I do having sex with her boyfriend...
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
How'd the date with the redheaded dentist go?
She didn't like my gingervitis joke
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
We fucked for 9 months, but he didn't want anything serious. So, I got rid of him and went on a date with a guy last night that looks like Kylo Ren. Who's really winning here?
Did you get your nipples pierced? I felt something poking through my shirt earlier and I really didn't want to say anything in front of your grandma...
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
I accidentally just texted my dad asking if he wants to do shrooms with me. Do I leave the city now or...
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