I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
Oh we're fine. I made her a "sorry I peed on you" omelet.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Taking shots of gin by myself out of TMNT glasses and chasing with bites of chocolate cake. AMERICA.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
In unrelated news guys should not ask what I'm doing/wearing if they can't handle an honest answer. I'm not pretending I'm not sitting on the couch in yoga pants watching Community so you can beat off.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow I need you to slap me in the face. I'll explain then
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
I thought he was foreign, but it turns out when you're that drunk, an Ohio accent just sounds Russian.
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
really who shits their pants then locks themselves out of their apartment? ... I threw my underwear out in a random bathroom
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