Hey i just realized that im masturbating in the exact same kind of chair that they are doing it on in this porno
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
I'm praying to Jesus, Allah, Buddah,and the whole gang tonight that I'm not pregnant
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
He came in looking for condoms, iced coffee, and a gas tank. I need to be where he's going.
Needing to keep one leg on the floor during sex so you dont spin should qualify for some kind of drunk award.
stop bragging. last time i got laid i got double pink eye, and it was so not worth it
just had a very awkward conversation with the concierge at the hotel, they threw your underwear out
I deserve a fucking award for best roommate. I just cleaned his room, so he can have a 3 some
He better not be in your backpack
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I really need to stop having sex.. I haven't been able to get a brush through the back of my hair for a good week and a half
So what your saying is you dont remember trying to hit a golf ball off my chest with a 9 iron?
sad thing: we were only a shot away from an orgy. good thing: we all got laid.
Randomize
