so i was creeping on him today and there was like nothing new except he became a fan of getting dome
i wish i could be like. "i like giving dome, lets be friends"
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
we were like drunken butterflies among sober caterpillars,
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
just wrote a 6 page paper on my blackberry. including 3 sources. college is teaching me good things so far.
I might not remember all of last night but I clearly remember the part where I humped the mailbox.
I just stuck my fingers down her throat so she could puke. I mean what are friends for
Oh my god she just threw up on her dog
But he does seem to be getting proper humping etiquette down. So there's progress.
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
It tastes like you we're too lazy to shower and instead just sprayed yourself with Febreeze.
You have a very discerning palate.
You were more fun when you didn't have morals.
Two days ago a random guy asked me to sign his forehead 'cause he wanted to have the name of the prettiest girl in the bar on him and never wash it. I just saw him and my signature still there...
In my defense, the second lapdance I gave was because of a dare.
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
We'll handle his penis the same way we handle day drinking; together.
Randomize
