dude last night I threw my weed into my back yard. there is now a foot of snow. after an hour I found my weed. if I put that effort into school, i'd have a 4.0.
The lack of respect you have for your penis baffles me. I'd rather rub my ball sack on public toilet seats than stick my dick in some of those girls.
A simple 'no' would have sufficed
Right before we were going to have sex he said it was his "lucky condom" I don't know if that means its used or what.. But I'm freaking out either way.
The doctor said 'youre the 2nd youngest person that ive seen with this condition. Thats probably not the silver medal you were looking for today.'
Do you think she's aware of my deep hatred or should I set her hair on fire in her sleep?
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
He came up and told us to watch as he chugged his beer with no hands. Then asked if he could come drunk swimming with us.
I woke up with a piece of pizza duct taped too my hand and a paragraph written on my chest. Good night is say
I'll always remember 2012 as the year I hooked up with countless girls who had the sides of their heads shaved.
Legitimately sent a work email with "Hey, you kids, get off my lawn" as the subject line.
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
I can't feel the bottom half of my face but i feel like our sex would be amazing
We'll never be able to grow apart now. You can't look at a stranger & say "Yea I ate goldfish crackers off his dick." & just be casual about that.
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
Dude, do you think he'd be pissed if he found out that I always reference him as my starter husband?
Randomize
