Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
I would rather deep fry my own cock while it's still attached to me than have his life.
I love our strategizing... I wish we used the same passion for planning our lives and future that we use for planning our drunken escapades... We would both be doctors by now, I swear
All of the sudden your world had become nothing but the sum of visible dicks. Welcome to life.
Want to come over? I'm getting stoned and watching Netflix and making s'mores over a candle in my room
I guess I fell on the bar and kept trying to get back in telling the bouncer that I left my teeth at the bar. Woke up this morning with chipped tooth
How would your parents feel if we installed a sex swing?
Dude for real though, we gotta stop getting hammered and kissing gay guys.
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I feel like my life just hangs in the balance of "Yeah I'm probably not doing this right"
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
Randomize
