Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Hey, could you leave the door unlocked? Keys seem hard right now.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
You rubbed your penis on my leg and said "people have paid for this kind of action"
OH MY GOD I JUST WANT TO GO HOME AND FART ALL NIGHT.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
What part of drinking with my mom makes you think i'd get naked
All of it
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
You had sex with him AND his man bun. Like not just him but also the bun.
This is the nicest bathroom I've ever been drunk in. The urinal is gold.
What's a professional way to say get your shit in gear?
Randomize
