He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
she was drinking until 3, woke up at 7, shouted 'I'M STILL DRUNK" and went out for a jog in her thong
I could only remember yelling "rip it down" as he ninja jumped off the bed, kicked the wall, and superman punched the fire alarm off the ceiling.
I've always wondered why you never put the hotel room in your name...
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
IT IS CHRISTMAS EVE AND I AM SUPPOSED TO BE HAVING SEX WITH AN ATTRACTIVE BLACK MAN IN THE NEXT FEW DAYS AND I JUST GOT MY PERIOD. WHEN PEOPLE ASK ME WHY I DON'T BELIEVE IN GOD I WILL TELL THEM OF THIS DAY.
Everyone is speaking Spanish and this 300 hundred pound chick is talking about the time she got out of prison... Fuck this place
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
Clearly you've confused me for someone who has their shit together, and honestly I have no idea how you did that.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
When the dude you brought home from the bar on Thanksgiving leaves before you wake up ... #thankful
Ok sry I left that ambiguous......did you want contact solution or fellatio?
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
Let me just get through this whole court subpoena thing and then ill go back to buying alcohol for minors.
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Randomize
