did i really try to jack off an athens police horse last night? please tell me youre kidding..
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
We thought we were getting kicked out but then he started tickling the bouncer. Next thing you know the bouncers giving him a piggy back ride to the bar.
Ugh..Yesterday was a complete alcohol fueled shit show. Not making eye contact with anyone today. Don't deserve it. Eye contact is for decent people.
You puked on my feet last night. You owe me a pedicure.
Who knows. Maybe the world would be a better place if more people sent their drug dealers thank you cards.
I feel like I just want to take a shot of jack, have sex, and shoot myself in the face. In that order exactly.
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
Nothing worse then being at the gym on the elliptical next to a guy looking at porn on his phone
she fell THROUGH the wall. All in all id have to say that my neighbors where pretty chill about it tho.
He cannot be your sugar daddy. He looks like a literal hot dog.
I fucked your neighbor. Welcome to the new apartment!
I guess I was telling girls last night that I was a virgin with terminal cancer again
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