my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
I still havent given him the valentines day card i got him. I feel like just writting...."sorry for the horrible blow job i gave u last night." and just giving it to him.
Next year we will be 30 and no more shots during the week.
To celebrate your birthday last night, I got drunk and sang drift away in buffalo wild wings. Happy birthday. The entire bar sang the chorus with me. It was magical.
Just made a PowerPoint called "Reasons Why You Should Fuck Me" at his request. The sad thing is we've had sex before...
begin the sex magic rocket ship countdown
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
You can wear anything you want
So... Naked it is then
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
So you're not opposed to us ever having sex again? Because it just seems like such a waste to let a penis like yours go.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
im pretty sure i tried to use axe body spray to cover up the strong urine smell coming from my jeans. im also pretty sure that it didnt work.
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