Never again let me pretend to be australian for free booze.
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
that's like... drinking popov and saying its the worlds best vodka. you gotta try some others first. THERE SHOULD BE A MISS AMERICA PAGEANT. but like, mr penis. and they can do tricks and make unintelligent remarks and wear sparkly condoms.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
I gave the guy a $20 tip on a $9 cab ride, he thought I was just bad at math but I was really just incredibly thankful to be alive and home.
I was like "don't worry, I'm a math major and you deserve the shit out of that 222% tip"
She is currently expressing her joy for "bad to the bone" through interpretive dance...
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
You said dick pics aren't attractive
Random ones, from strangers, no. But a beautiful penis I know and love, absolutely :3
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
dude kate found out i cheated and busted in while i was taking a shit. I was cornered, nothing i could do
so drinking tonight?
Be there in 15
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
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