Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
I wish i could clap on, clap off my penis
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
just puked in a purse in the store. some girl asked if i was gonna buy it now and i laughed and asked her why id want a bag some dude just puked in. her face looked like she saw the devil.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
Can you bring me some underwear? I feel uncomfortable going underwear less at a Remembrance Day ceremony.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
Awww I'm so proud! Starting friendships before you hook up!
All I ever wanted was my bed, Tylenol, and total darkness. Instead I had a pervert with porno posters who blares german rock calling me tootsie pop. How was your saturday night?
All I want is to get shitfaced and fuck random strangers is that really to much to ask?
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
