Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.
Yeah, it was all fun and games until I realized that it wasn't my tent, and I had no idea who those people were
Fun fact: Antibacterial soap will not take the combined smell of bbq sauce and vagina off your hands.
He skyped me to learn how to roll a joint and for us to masturbate together. And you said a long distance relationship wouldn't work.
we went to get a refill in his room and ended up having sex and passing out. then he woke me up with sex and gave me a beer for breakfast. i never want this to end
We lost track of him for only 10 min and he gets kicked out for sneaking into the kitchen and trying to operate the deep fryer.
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
That Kevin guy is something else...His penis is fucking glorious. And he has a way with words. If he lived here I'd be the conductor of the fuck caboose. I mean literally I would never want to get off that thing.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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