I like how she turned her beer into a wet t-shirt contest
My penis is the apex of life and all other references. Lookin for a cheap vagina at this point. And cheap Korean BBQ
Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
After I told my husband the docter shot me in the ass, he said - oh they can but I can't?!
I could give you a full detailed description of 75% of the penises in that room
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
I was so high the sounds of a cricket drove me out of my home at 4am.... Boo that fucking cricket
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
What procrastination leads to: I have submitted a third of my job applications this week with a BAC that would get me arrested
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
I came back from England with a face tattoo and the only thing anyone can talk about is my beard.
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