So i looked up from her cooch and there was her ex-boyfriend
Awkward
Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
Drinking at work by myself... My boss just walked into me copying my face on the copy machine..
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I'm helping my Mormon ex boyfriend from high school embrace his inner cross dresser. This is truly god's work.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Well I'm currently debating between getting toilet paper or getting my eyebrows waxed so... There's that
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Roomies told me I showed up to my house alone with no pants on and burrs in my hair... I live in the middle of the city
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
