I want to walk on stilts...naked
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
I can't believe all the places I got into shoeless last night. Apparently no one will say no to a girl covered in paint with a ripped shirt
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I pissed myself at the bar so I threw away my wet underwear and kept partying... you act you've never done that before
Now I'm heckling that my belch is more exciting than their fireworks and I peed down the driveway.
Wearing the same clothes for three days in a row and eating an entire two pound bag of jelly beans really has a way of making a person rethink their life...
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
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