Defrosting my mini wheats in the microwave was a bad choice
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
New channing tatum movie.
I'll bring my vibrator.
We need to start having rules for the weekends. Like no more downing 3 shots because we want to slut dance a little harder or because biggie just came on.
He was trying to put his hand up my shirt but I remembered the coke was stashed in my bra so I moved his hand to my pants
The doctor wrote 'condom retrieval' on my discharge paper.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
It took 5 minutes to find my bra.. in his car.
He told me to come in and have some water before I drove home, my vagina didn't stand a chance escaping. We didn't even make it to the kitchen.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
im glad im back to a point in my life where i have enough sex to sometimes be offered and be like naw im good.
I sent you a snap of me in the bath, and you sent me a snap of a taco. An actual taco.
So I just had breakfast and then sex in a parking garage before he went to school and thus I am loving my life
i was in class looking for a pencil and found a chicken strip in my back pack. i think i might have a problem.. sad thing is i ate it
Wrong Cuomo but I had a dream last night in which I was very sexually attracted to Chris
Randomize
