Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(410): View more from Maryland

Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night

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(410): Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night http://tfl.nu/ayrv

Replies (34) Good night (1213) Bad night (6192)
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(347): View more from New York

apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.

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(347): apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road. http://tfl.nu/bhjm

Replies (56) Good night (856) Bad night (4821)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore.

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(202): its official now. im not pissing on secret service cars with a senators inside anymore. http://tfl.nu/f02f

Replies (30) Good night (4254) Bad night (1078)
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(985): View more from Louisiana

Four minutes until I can fart!

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(985): Four minutes until I can fart! http://tfl.nu/u0vh

Replies (11) Good night (1163) Bad night (3361)
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(714): View more from California

I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it?

(949): View more from California

I gave it to your brother to give to you.

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(714): I think I left a blow job at your house. Can I come down and get it? (949): I gave it to your brother to give to you. http://tfl.nu/fwxt

Replies (57) Good night (13879) Bad night (5316)
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(512): View more from Texas

I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different.

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(512): I know I hit you with my car but people express love in different ways. Everyone is different. http://tfl.nu/tob0

Replies (11) Good night (4846) Bad night (1399)
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(512): View more from Texas

She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them!

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(512): She's a Laker fan, her sister is a Celtic fan... no matter who wins I'm getting a celebration bj from one of them! http://tfl.nu/ovo7

Replies (20) Good night (6529) Bad night (1217)
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(860): View more from Connecticut

Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?

(1-860): View more from Connecticut

I don't understand but I'll be there in 5

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(860): Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt? (1-860): I don't understand but I'll be there in 5 http://tfl.nu/rms0

Replies (7) Good night (3345) Bad night (709)
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(425): View more from Washington

i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea

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(425): i'm going to invent a mini fridge that can hang from faucets so i don't have to get out of the bathtub anymore for a cold beer. its a million dollar idea http://tfl.nu/bucj

Replies (8) Good night (1435) Bad night (528)
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(360): View more from Washington

So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five.

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(360): So we get back to the hotel room and Tom strips off his clothes... His first sexual act as my fiance? Helicopter dick. I gave him a high five. http://tfl.nu/vwra

Replies (8) Good night (2490) Bad night (828)
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(314): View more from Missouri

I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him

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(314): I vaguely remember stopping for a bag of bugles and some lube and then I woke up this morning with melted chocolate on my hands. I think I love him http://tfl.nu/o7zk

Replies (3) Good night (1033) Bad night (449)
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(765): View more from Indiana

So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor.

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(765): So, I'm drinking, and I put my head down in the table. The cat jumped up to check on me, I have a cat sober monitor. http://tfl.nu/2e0y

Replies (6) Good night (1454) Bad night (489)
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(416): View more from Toronto

Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding

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(416): Ill go to bed but tamed sharks isnt so much of a bad idea. Not for riding http://tfl.nu/gcol

Replies (0) Good night (388) Bad night (226)
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(540): View more from Virginia

I just told the sun to stop. That hungover.

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(540): I just told the sun to stop. That hungover. http://tfl.nu/3xc8

Replies (3) Good night (537) Bad night (270)
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(306): View more from Saskatchewan

so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.

(1-306): View more from Saskatchewan

....you got kicked INTO a party??

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(306): so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay. (1-306): ....you got kicked INTO a party?? http://tfl.nu/nppd

Replies (1) Good night (814) Bad night (239)

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