They use the phrase "final warning" so often the words have lost all meaning.
i just had 3 doubles lined up on top of a urinal, texting with one hand and my dick in the other. I an fucking awesome.
By the end of the second bowl I was making sound effects to every hand movement he made.
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
23 People Confess The Trashiest Thing They’ve Seen In Person
So I purposely left a bunch of metal in my pockets so that the smokin hot TSA officer would give me a pat down. Airport security just got fun
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
you know it's gonna be a good 4/20 when you start saving up for it in january.
Your friend who drunkenly cleaned the kitchen just wished the class a Happy National Tutu Day. While wearing a tutu. Make a move or I'm gonna marry her.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
19 Transgender People Reveal The First Sign That They Were Trans
Fuck that. I will get OUT of CONTROL And rise from a hangover on Sunday like Jesus himself.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
Just saw some dude tumble down the stairs of the bar while leaving...fist pump...and then sprint down the road
My pants zipper is stuck halfway down. I have to interview an intern later. This day is gonna be amazing,
Also. I think I just got sentimental over a nude
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING