Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

ADVERTISEMENT

(814): View more from Pennsylvania

He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying

Fav 28 12622 1015
share tweet
(310): View more from California

you asked a group of latinas stood by the bar to hold a minutes silence for ugly betty getting cancelled. that drunk.

Fav 21 5159 1467
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(610): View more from Pennsylvania

I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.

Fav 19 2584 7208
share tweet
(650): View more from California

areolas are like halos for boobs.

Fav 41 5453 1551
share tweet
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
Read it at the TFLN blog
(619): View more from California

on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.

Fav 6 3381 1421
share tweet
(919): View more from North Carolina

It's all good. The CSI guy came and I played the theme song while he in was in our place. The cops even laughed.

Fav 9 3491 1538
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(651): View more from Minnesota

"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.

Fav 6 1232 762
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(479): View more from Arkansas

I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.

Fav 7 657 497
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT

(231): View more from Michigan

Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus

Fav 1 243 94
share tweet

ADVERTISEMENT