turns out I still hate jay leno...even at 10pm.
You can't like Harry Potter and Twilight. You have to pick. Vampires and Wizards are mutually exclusive.
She's like a coupon for free blow jobs. No purchase necessary.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
Fortunately for myself I'm twice as smart and half as drunk as everyone else. All things considered I'm leaving here three-to-five times richer than when I arrived.
I've had to much cheese to give a fuck about anything. im tired.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
Is it bad that I coached my cousins 6 year old boy to steal a 30 rack of keystone out of an unattended cooler at our family reunion, or was I just giving him a social head start in high school? I err on the side of awesome.
I almost tased myself
I dont think you should own that device.
It's an awesome device. I love this device.
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
Can we go out and get blitzed in celebration that they'll be no more surprise kids
I feel like I might be the only person I know who eats bundles of radishes in-between orgasms from their vibrator.
The lady at the front desk wished you a happy hangover.
It's my birthday. I should be drinking mimosas in a top hat, not working.
Randomize
