How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
He sent a pic, I sent one back. Then nothing. It's like we sext-messaged goodbye and ended the relationship.
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Are we playing "how much awkwardness can we fit in the final 29 hours of 2011"?
yes yes we are. Go do something with super glue. i don't want to win.
Dinner?
YES CON MARGARITAS POR FAVOR!!!! MUCHO MARGARITAS!!!
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
Drugs are gluten free tho, right?
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
I can assure you I didn't go home with a girl, because I woke up on someone's porch
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
I found my bra I wore on Friday night...he fucked the underwire out of it
hahahahaha
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
Randomize
