yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
You were eating microwaved pad thai out of a solo cup with a pair of scissors....
Hes still mad that I left the room mid-hookup to go get a pickle from the fridge.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
according to last night, I underestimated the size of my mouth and the possibilities of what can fit into it.
seriously the second he called my tits warlocks was the second I knew I wasn't going to fuck him.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Just leave a note saying "riding dick see you in the mornig"
if I dont text you back in 10min assume i am in fact still dizzy and injured myself in the shower. and call an ambulance. thanx.
Randomize
