Last night we were drunk and talking about rude things, I mentioned felching and had to explain it to everyone. Everyone was disgusted and asked how I knew about such filth and I told them you told me. Don't get mad. Also a quck heads up, you might get gifts of straws at work,
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
He bought me a pink rose and a Plan B. I really like this guy.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Why did you leave me a note saying 'find the canary'
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
He's a cat fanatic .. That was not in the fine print when we started fucking
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
You need to let him know my only agenda is coke and sadness.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
Ya know, one would think a restraining order would keep me from fucking my ex.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Let's take a shot for every time we've said "I don't want to get that drunk tonight"
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
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