when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
when I woke up I found a half-eaten cherry toaster strudel sandwich with bacon in the middle.
Haha im sorry. Its just financially responsiable to bang him instead of you right now.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
Threesome in a minivan. New low
Unless you consider jello shots food the answer is no there is no dinner here. When u get food get more wine too tired of you coming over drinking all my booze and destroying my vagina
Didn't want to waste the cheese dust from the white cheddar popcorn, so I gave him a handjob, followed by the most delicious blowjob ever. Win-win.
I know I'm high, but the dude in target definitely just told me that it's best to walk through every door in life like you're a t-rex....
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
DO NOT TRY TO APPROACH HER CAT. IT IS A DEMON CAT FROM SATAN'S BALLS AND IT *WILL* TRY TO KILL YOU. I SPEAK FROM EXPIRENCE.
I have seen you puke and 5 mins later rock my world. So there is hotness there that average people will never see..
My life is pants optional.
We finally gave up searching because everything had started to look like flip flops
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