happiness is walking an amphibious rodent on a leash
I hate when people uglier than me have girlfriends
She stuck a Big Gulp bend-y straw up his ass to see if he could handle anal.
Ew, and?!
Well he couldn't and the deal was he had to drink something using it afterwards.
just told my prof that "i dont give a fuck" about the final. nothing like a having a signed employment contract already
there are way too many $1s in my wallet for last night to have been 'tame'
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
Okay so for future reference and your own safety I should probably tell you that it is not cranberry juice in that bottle on the kitchen table.
My apartment smells like a lavender field inside of a giant bong.
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
every day is bullshit and fuck everyone. That's my motto for the week
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
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