My 54 year old father just sent me a YouTube link on my school email titled "Walrus sucks his own dick" and then wrote in the email "I wish I were a walrus". What the fuck is wrong with my family?
Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
Can we just ponder our lives for a second.
No I think my brain may implode in a puff of cocaine and sparkles.
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
Just had a talk about safe sex with my mom. Not about protection. About the very real possibility of a "penile fracture". Gotta love having a nurse for a mother.
Then years and years after that I will send you a picture of my warped vagina from all the kids that I had.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
My manager just held my hair while I threw up in a dumpster. New low.
My booty call is in the theater watching Deadpool right now. Never though comics would work against me.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
still can't believe dude took a personal call while he was balls deep in my mouth.
Left Las Vegas at 2:30 am, woke up at 11 AM at a Barstow gas station with the Valet from Ceaser' palace snoring in the backseat and no memory of how we got there. I felt like Raoul Fucjing Duke right then and there.
had more orgasms than hours of sleep last night
Randomize
