i live my life in a constant state of hangover.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm drinking screwdrivers in the pool naked. Call 911 if I don't check in regularly
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I guess she thought her walk of shame would be more dignified if she stole my dog
Then you started screaming that this was the first time you did e and that you had a 4.8 gpa, that was right before you almost suffocated between that one girl's tits.
Eating nacho cheese off the carpet. How is your morning?
The other night I NICELY told her she looked like Jack Sparrow
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
dude, she has my telletubby sweats and my good sweatshirt hostage, I can't risk their safety with a breakup
She broke up with me. I guess I was in the most chaste lesbian relationship in the history of the world and had no idea.
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
Bear grylls would be proud of my improvisation. Just used her vibrator to massage my back after hurting it at work.
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