If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
ive been sending my husband naked pics of my whole body from my phone..its a work phone. do you think our boss can see? if so, im either getting fired, or a raise.
Bar. Show boob. Just one. Free drinks. Instant friends
Guys only need one. Little known secret. You're welcome.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
Theres a high probability there will be two hot men waiting on you in your bed when you get home for lunch.
Shots. Renamed a guy (he looked like a Scott to me), running, bloody Marys, walk to Safeway, donuts, ride home from someones husband, Nurse Jackie. FIN.
Cops on bikes. I think I can outrun them.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
I'm going to be such a slut in Europe I've already decided
Send me dick pics. We'll make a scrap book
Randomize
