But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
I bought a boat. Want to have sex on The Angry Clam? That's what I named it.
cant believe you said you would bone perez hilton
i said paris hilton
thats even worse
I think im going to throw up on grandma
look what he's done to me, i actually want to be a stripper now.
How does one fall all the way up a flight of stairs? Its hard on me knowing that the survival of our species depends on me not reproducing.
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
I walked out of the bedroom naked holding a used condom only to be greeted by half of my family. Happy birthday mom
dude this night sums up my single life. naked, crying, and covered in honey. i need to get laid.
I mean I'm screaming I love the gays in the middle of Bart so yeah
Yeah, but I think it would be a little awkward to explain to Mom that the girl I brought for lunch is not my girlfriend but just a fuck buddy who I met after she hit and totaled my car last month.
MAGGIE IS ON MY COUCH PETTING AN HONEST TO CHRIST ARMADILLO AND SOBBING INTO HOT CHOCHOLATE. WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO TO HER.
The not so cute guy next to me made me play Kid Rock on the jukebox but I'm a big believer in free drinks so I obliged.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
Randomize
