im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Found a joint walking to class. I feel like the environment is rewarding me for being green.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
i like being sick. whatever the doctor gave me is awesone. the walls are waving at me. i never want to get better.
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
At what point during this road trip should I let them know I've been drinking in the backseat the whole time and can't take my turn driving?
Dude you were tripping so badly we put a pretend box around your head and you spoke silently for the rest of the night. I think pterodactyls were involved.
C'mon. I'm still an alcoholic at heart, regardless of its broken or not
dude there's a blind guy on the trail using his service dog to hit on girls.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
I was so fucked up last night that I peed on his FATHER'S BED and fell asleep there. and yes. his father was asleep in the bed
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
Randomize
