so i replaced his speed with my ped egg shaveings
dont u have athletes foot?
Yeah I'm pretty sure at one point I was telling her to keep her dick in her pants. She was going to do some serious damage.
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I just sent you a google doc listing all the reasons why I should stop hooking up with him. Feel free to add to it.
I feel awful
Physically or morally
Physically. The only immoral thing I did was steal money from strippers while they gave me lapdances.
Hey do you know who I showed my dick to at the bar last night?
I was on my way last night when some asshole yelled "make better life choices" out the window of his car. I felt so self conscious I went home.
I came back to consciousness and found myself sitting in a beanbag chair petting a 2 month old husky with one hand and eating an oreo Klondike bar with the other. This almost makes me forgive blackout lisa for making out with that chubbs at the xmas party
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
I also love my swipe to text changed a singular vagina to a plural vaginas. like my phone somehow knows I secretly want 2 vaginas
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
My New Year's resolution is to chill out on the group sex. At least with my friends anyway.
Randomize
