my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
i just fingered the ice cream at home instead of getting a spoon
been there done that
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
She's coming to town, taking me to a Suns Game, wants Anal, and knows we're not going to date, I imagine this is what heaven is like
When I woke up in the parking lot today I decided it is not a good idea to hang out with you anymore.
Always fun waking up to 911 as your last dialed call.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
So getting a bj to I believe I can fly is one of the greatest things ever
Do you think I shall pursue this journey to the center if the dick?
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
I love you more than sex with randoms.... and we all know how much I love that shit.
Randomize
