nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
help help how do i get him away from me should i talk in a robot voice or something
i just remebered that we smoked out my hamster yesterday...
i hope hes still alive. i just remember you give him a shit load of cereal and saying "trust me your going to need it"
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
whiskey dick. though we did manage to break my closet door and flood the bathroom.
Dude. There's gotta be an article in Cosmo about it cause I've had three different girls tongue tickle my brownie this month.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
I have to confess something, I may or may not have knocked on your window at 2:30 am while balancing on some guys hands. We found tequila.
I know we said we never would. But try fucking a fat guy. He put in so much more effort and then made me waffles.
How do you delicately ask if your friend's dad was arrested for solicitation of prostitution?
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
It's gotten to the point that I'm pretty sure I'm going to need to be legally drunk before I enter the voting booth this year.
Tell her that we understand the angle wasn't the best on the first video and that we forgive her.
Randomize
