and technically it was a rebound
so lol
and then you got rebounded for the same girl he rebounded you for and still never scored ... it was like watching an LA Clippers game
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
Just got back from my 9:00 am class to find my roommate soaking her lifesaver gummies in vodka so she can have them for a snack in class later.
He is eating chips off the floor in the emergency room..
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
I'm standing on the corner in a banana costume and cape with frozen bananas in my utility belt reassessing my life decisions.
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Your phone just changed "liver" to "liquor" how dose that make you feel
I'm eating a bagel on the toilet and watching porn. Trust me, I've got my priorities straight.
Sorry I blacked out in bed
it was real late and you were brushing your teeth with miller light. it was bound to happen.
Dude I just woke up naked on the floor with my dick in a boot. Legit in a fucking boot. I also have no idea where I am.
First time not coming to this class high in a month and a half, never again will i put myself thru this torture
Randomize
