in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
nothing can ever be as bad as the night i blacked out, updated my fb status to i need a pity fuck and then passed out for 13 hours.
Nope. He totaled my car then moved back to Louisiana to work things out with baby mama. I sure know how to pick em
I just passed a truck with its bed lined with a tarp and filled with water with six dudes chilling in the back driving through campus. That looks fun.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Saw the same Luigi I hooked up with last Halloween. Still in his same Luigi costume and scruff that hurt my face
Don't shower too much, need the shame to be fresh to get the best story
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
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